I am feeling girlish and have purposefully chosen to wear clothes that are colourful and chaotic in reflection of my mood and my lack of willingness to submit, to conform to being brave, considered, measured and logical today. I feel lighter than I have in days, the weight of the various responsibilities I insist on claiming for myself off my shoulders for a bit, the snuffles and exhaustion of the latest in a long line of colds finally receding. A spontaneous plan to launch myself out of bed, sprint down to the train station and propel myself along the coast to Bexhill got me out of breath and put some colour in my cheeks 😉
Standing looking out towards the horizon, where the glittering sea meets the sky, I know I am where I most want to be in the world. The thought forms in my mind to swing my body under the metal railings between the promenade and the pebbles and sit and stare through the gap between the lower and upper railings, regardless of the fact that this is not a grown up thing to do and a nagging worry that I will bang my head and look stupid. Before I’ve too much time to think about it, in one easy motion I grab the top part of the railing and swing my legs under the lower part ending in a sitting position, legs dangling over pebbles and arms resting on the lower railing. For good measure, and no doubt adding to the impression of disaffected youth, I rest my chin on the railings and sit and stare as if I’ve all the time in the world. I breathe deeply and evenly and tune into the sensation of the breeze on my cheeks and the cold of the metal against my arms.