On forgetting my corporeality

I noticed a theme in my blog posts over Christmas while I was taking the opportunity to slow down and enjoy having some down time. I wrote a lot (because I was thinking a lot) about my physical experiences of the world. I take this for granted most of the time and, actually, spend large chunks of my time blocking out or ignoring my physical experience as much as I can get away with. Otherwise it distracts me from the other stuff I have to do.

I may have discovered a flaw with that plan 😉 Yesterday I prioritised work over eating lunch. Only a small thing, something I have done more working days than not over the last year. At 1pm I found myself on a train to London, starting this week’s Brussels trip. I had nothing to eat and no hope of buying anything until I got to St Pancras.

That didn’t bother me unduly, I figured I’d be distracted by being hungry for 15 minutes or so and then get back to worrying about work stuff. What actually happened is that I started to feel really crap, not only hungry but anxious and unable to think clearly. I started worrying about what was going on with me. It took me about an hour to realise this was not me being mentally dysfunctional, but simply a product of low blood sugar levels.

I really did feel terribly anxious and it was a most unpleasant experience. Then I thought about all the days I’ve not eaten properly over the last year, particularly the last 6 months where I’ve struggled a great deal with my anxiety levels relating to work. Finally it dawned – if not eating properly at one lunchtime has that effect on me, perhaps doing the same for days on end has a pretty big negative effect on my ability to cope with life. I suddenly realised just how little care and attention I give to my physical well being when I am caught up with work.

What a daft bint! I have now vowed to prioritise looking after myself because without doing that, everything else becomes that much harder. Only took me 31 years to figure that one out …

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