When facing my demons / I clothe them and feed them …

A blog post within a blog post within a blog post … As you read on it will become clear why I say this. I wrote the text below the stars at the beginning of July while on a train journey to Cornwall and never got round to posting it. My apologies for tardiness, I would like to share it now as the thoughts are still relevant and possibly an important part of the ongoing narrative of my blog.

*******

It has been a while. I’d like to say that sometimes I get too busy living life to write about it, but that isn’t true. I half wrote this blog post in my head a little while ago and my blog posts are always fragments of the commentary on my experience that goes on, interminably, in my own head anyway.

What I get too busy for is the polish required to smooth the edges of a shard of my history into something I am prepared to share. And, inevitably, in the meantime the narrative I create for myself shifts subtly. Or less subtly. So it is with this fragment.

A friend once suggested to me that a woman’s jewellery box tells the history of her lovers. Somewhere in its depths the idea struck a chord with me, but I’ve not been recipient of much jewellery and I’ve had an uneasy relationship with many men who I’ve felt some kind of admiration for, not just those who are past lovers. My version is a song for each man who has had a noteable impact on how I feel about men and my relationship with them as a woman. I created this as a playlist back in May and it started with a song for my Dad.

At first I thought the capturing of this playlist was really significant, but since realised it really isn’t. So rather than sharing the playlist in this blog post (as I’d intended to do) know that I am going to delete it and stop worrying about hanging on to this corner of the past.

I am not sure where this new found ability to let the past go leaves this blog. I will keep on writing, rambling and sharing, but perhaps not with the heavy emphasis on where I’ve been. I have a hunch this will lead me into using my writing (mirroring how I am now using my life) to explore and share my future in the big wide world, which is no bad thing at all šŸ™‚

I’m about to step off the train in Cornwall and enjoy being out there in the world rather than stuck in my own reminiscences.

Wish me luck!

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